you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
