Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
