i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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