If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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