If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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