Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
