i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
