Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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