When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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