i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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