i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
