i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
