i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize