Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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