May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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