I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
