wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So many bounce houses so little time
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
