Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
