If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
