So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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