plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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