Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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