My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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