if you like me you must not know who I am
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
this hospital has no fireball
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
