I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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