I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
