sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
