my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
