i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
