ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize