I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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