and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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