I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
