Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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