Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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