Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
