You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i think i just lost a toe
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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