Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
