Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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