If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
