What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
