I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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