he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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