Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
