just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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