This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
