HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
