You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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