You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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