I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
