it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
