I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
