Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
