There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
