i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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