I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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