I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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