just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
