If that was your dad, he is hot
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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