I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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