Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
