he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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